Tottenham 1-2 Nottingham Forest: Player ratings to the theme of pigeons in this social media cartoon

Tottenham Hotspur may have lost their 18th match of the season, putting them near the bottom of the table (though happily safe from relegation) but the good news is that Richarlison is back! El Pombo made his first start for the club since February and had a good match, scoring Tottenham’s only goal on a header and coming close on at least one other occasion. Richy might be having something of a horror show of a season on a personal level (he’s not alone there) but god, it’s good to see him back out there.

A while ago I found this graphic on Bluesky of cartoon pigeons, made by an unknown French artist, and it tickled me. I’ve been saving it for Richy’s return, and while he’s had a couple of cameos in the past couple of weeks this feels like a good time to bring it out.

Tag urself. Better yet, we’re going to use this as the theme today. What’s my criteria for ranking these the way I am? In truth, all of these little cartoon winged rats are great. So the answer is: vibes. Pure, unadulterated vibes.

In celebration of Richarlison’s first goal in for-freaking-ever and in commiseration for another league loss, here are your Tottenham player ratings to the theme of pigeons in this cartoon.

5 stars: Steve

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There’s a lot to giggle about in this graphic but for some reason I just find naming an otherwise perfectly normal looking French cartoon pigeon “Steve” just makes me giggle every time I see it. Steve. Lol.

No Tottenham players in this category.

4.5 stars: Blep

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One time one of my cats got its head stuck in a box and spent the next few minutes running pell-mell around the house bonking into walls and doors trying to get it off while we all laughed our heads off. This reminds me of that.

No Tottenham players in this category.

4 stars: Tango

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Tango is a little bit different from the other birds. He has darker plumage and he’s still a winged rat but look at him — he’s happy, he’s striking a pose, he’s unequivocally himself. That’s a good-ass bird.

Mathys Tel (Community — 3.5): Again really impressed with his industry and his vision, even if his shooting was off and he wasn’t always clear on where he needed to be in the offense. He’s a young player, and he’s definitely improved during his loan at Spurs.

Richarlison (Community — 3.0): A touch rusty (again, expected) and disappeared at times but scored an excellent header and nearly had another one from a back post cross in the first half. He’s a good Ange-Ball striker in this system, so it sucks that he just hasn’t been healthy.

Ange Postecoglou (Community — 2.0): I think Ange did fine here. He even did some unexpected things like switching to a two-striker formation! Sometimes the ball just doesn’t go in the goal no matter what the manager tries. I’m not knocking him for this match.

3.5 stars: Mercyless

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This is a Tottenham Hotspur pigeon.

Pedro Porro (Community — 3.0): Spurs were committed to crossing balls in from the flanks, and Pedro had some excellent balls in on this one. Did well defensively, though Forest were hardly threatening after bunkering 2-0 up.

Djed Spence (Community — 3.0): One of Tottenham’s brighter players offensively. Got forward well and put some good balls in.

Wilson Odobert (Community — 3.0): Bright, if a little uneven at times.

Kevin Danso (Community — 3.0): Forest sat everyone behind the ball in the second half but even so I thought this was a composed and assured defensive performance from Danso. I quite like him.

3 stars: Flon

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Cartoon pigeons: they’re just like me, fr

Rodrigo Bentancur (Community — 2.5): Pretty suspect with his passing at times but while Tottenham wasn’t playing through the middle what little control they had in the midfield was due to Lolo.

Dejan Kulusevski (Community — 2.5): All over the place in this one. He wasn’t necessarily BAD, but he did look extremely rusty, which makes a ton of sense. Glad he’s getting the kinks worked out now instead of in the Europa League semifinal.

Dominic Solanke (Community — 2.5): Did fine with the passing and the hold up and the pressing and the defense, but hey buddy could you try scoring every so often? As a treat?

2.5 stars: Rusty

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Oh hey look, it’s that jerk pigeon that keeps stealing my French Fries when I’m at the beach.

Cuti Romero (Community — 2.5): Not one of his better performances and looked likely to pick up at least a yellow card had he stayed on. Planned substitution or not, Spurs looked actually better defensively in the second half (though there were other factors at play as well).

Micky van de Ven (Community — 2.5): Kind of at sea for Forest’s second goal and not a very impactful performance.

Pape Sarr (Community — 2.5): Not his finest performance, and demonstrative of the fact that he really hasn’t had a ton of growth over the course of this season, which is disappointing.

Ben Davies (Community — 3.0): I see some praise for Davies’ second half shift, but I thought he looked like the weak link. I like him, but his future is in management, not in the back line.

Brennan Johnson (Community — 2.0): I honestly didn’t notice he was out there. Not the best opponent for a player with his back post skills.

2 stars: Pouilleux

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“Pouilleux” is French for “lousy,” and the way this pigeon is depicted blatantly showing you its butthole I think cements its jackass status. Look at his laissez-faire posture, the spread wings, the don’t-give-a-shit attitude. This is an asshole bird, in more ways than one.

Guglielmo Vicario (Community — 2.0): It’s hard to rate him any higher than this when he was pretty much directly responsible for both goals scored by Forest. In what was otherwise a fairly decent match against Forest, he was a weak link.

1 star: Intrépide

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This is a Tottenham Hotspur pigeon... this season in the Premier League.

No Tottenham Hotspur players (or pigeons) were as bad as Intrépide, and no pigeons were harmed in the writing of this article

Tom Carroll Memorial Non-Rating

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Lucas Bergvall